Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
