sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
