my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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