strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
