What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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