So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
