North Korea, Best Korea!
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
My vagina just recognized that song.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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