I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
