; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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