I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
