I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
