Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
