He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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