he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
