Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
