My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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