We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
