I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
