I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
