I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
