I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I have demons in me.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
