I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
