I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
