Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
