I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
