trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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