remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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