Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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