Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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