well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My ass is underappreciated
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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