the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
