im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
