Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
