The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
