You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
