idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
