I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
