I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
