Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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