The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
