I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
