The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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