non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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