I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
