Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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