Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
