Please, let me fuck your mom
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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