the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
