Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
