i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
