whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It's shark week go big or go home
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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