We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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