i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
