Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
